Notions of Love and Relationship
By Thuy Ton
Love is
a spiritual journey two people embark upon together. It’s the commitment for
the emergence of one’s true self and reaching one’s highest potential. It's a
process where two people create, build, and work together as a team towards a
common goal of self-actualization through one another. Love, thus, becomes a
creative journey that start with knowing and understanding oneself from an
emotional, mental and spiritual level in order to share your life with someone
else.
Love is
a selfless entity that involves growth within oneself. It's the surrender of
one's own sense of "self", the ego, and being able to be one with
your inner true nature. In that one shows compassion and love for first
one’s own self in order to help foster another person’s inner true being. That
includes embracing the other person for truly who they are, not forcing or
pressuring someone to be or become who you want them to be. Causing
self-doubt in other is not true love.
Love is
a natural process and it starts within oneself. To find the source of
love, you have to look within. It starts with loving yourself and establishing
a healthy relationship with one’s true self. If you don’t love yourself, how
can another person love the person that you are? Self-worth and self- respect
is a product of love. It’s the foundation where all good is formed and it can
only be found within your own soul and heart.
Often
times, we are our own worst enemy. With the ego, insecurities, and lack of
self-awareness, we create an unfriendly and unhealthy environment that prohibits
the nurturing of this thing we all call Love. Like holding a baby in your
arms, it must be handled with care and compassion. The healing can only start
from within one’s own inner being. Thus, the exploration of one’s inner child depends
on our own awareness so we can reconcile all that life has handed us.
With
trust in the process, the heart can heal to make way for a more fulfilling and
meaningful spiritual journey. It’s a conscience choice to start a mind-full
practice that incorporates compassion and forgiveness attained through deep
thought and calming of the mind. It’s something within us, not something we
attain from our surroundings. Love is a way of life and of being. It’s a state
of mind.
A
relationship or relationships then stems from the principles of Love. This
includes the relationship you have with yourself. I have always felt having a
strong foundation is the essence of any relationship. A relationship is
something more tangible as it’s what we create, but Love is how to live. It's a
fundamental principle.
A
relationship becomes a mechanism for one to reach beyond their current state. It’s
a mirror into the depths of our soul. The love you share fosters an environment
where both people thrive by just being in the same room. The shared energy
creates a safe and open environment for one to grow and nurture their inner
true nature. The love stands by itself, without rules and constriction, as it
is an end in itself. Everything else is a means to an end.
There
have been 3 key things that I have come to believe is important in any kind of relationship.
The first key element is respect. It comes from truly loving someone, where you
would never intentionally or subconsciously disregard the person. Respect for
what you share and it’s the connection you have with one another. The second
key component is honesty. Moral standards and ethical values upheld, in
conjunction with respect. Being real in that love. The last component is
truthful, open communication. It’s the transparency and open mindedness in the
heart, mind, speech and thought exchanged to the one you love.
A
relationship, then becomes like the air you breathe. It is the wind beneath
your wings for you to fly to higher grounds. To love and be loved is to be
free. It’s a space of freedom,
roots to ground you, and the reason you remain still in your heart, mind and
soul.
What
I've learned throughout my life is just to trust and know things will work out
regardless of what it is. Love starts within you first. Then, it is distributed
to those around you. What is meant to be yours, will always be yours. True love
just is. It will always be there. It is what remains unchanged within you.
The
formation of fear and apprehension around relationships is a vicious circle and
cycle. Once it starts, it snowballs into something beyond your control. The
heart must control the mind and vice versa. Therefore, happiness and peace of
mind derives from one's own self and mind, given to oneself.
I have
come to recognize the concept of Love in some people’s mind is wreckless in
nature involving the need for power, possessiveness, control, manipulation,
abusive internal struggles, projections of the past and self-loathing. The love
or relationship is a means to an end, not an end in itself. It is used to
fulfill something missing or lacking confined by restrictions and conditions.
The word
“unconditionally love” was not apart of their realm of understanding. We
all learn Love in different ways, from our family and friends. In life, one
should never be forced to live up to other people’s ideals. We all make
mistakes and we fall apart. No one is perfect. Life situations happen and these
situations need to happen in order for people to grow.
To be
challenged in life is to expand the mind, realm of thought and one’s own
abilities. It is necessary to induce change and routine so new habits of
behaviors can form in order for one to become the best version of oneself. It’s
fundamental. Trial, error, endings, and new beginning are all apart of the
process we call Life.
We are
all in charge of our own self and being, not that of others. Support and love
is appreciated, but force and controlling of other’s mind to handle or do
things the way one would achieve something is beyond comprehension. The question
then becomes whether one is making decisions for whom, yourself or the other
person.
As our
surroundings play a major role in your lives, our circle of friends or circle
of influence change as well. We as people evolve and as we do, our groups of
friends and mentors change. Our life and how we live become a reflection of
where we are now at that period of time. Change is evitable. As a result, unconditional
love is tested among us all and the realities of our relationships/love become
more real as we grow. We don’t grow to be or become something. We actually grow
more into ourselves and who we truly are.
To foster Love, one needs Love in their life. Love is pure
and innocent, without boundaries and conditions. It just is. It brings out the
best in you. It’s a mirror into
one’s soul. We are mere reflections of how others are toward us. Hence, relationships
become a tool to reaching enlightenment and self awareness.
Everything else is easy. It's simple. Love begets love.
Compassion begets compassion. Kindness begets kindness. The hard part is
recognizing and understanding who you are, embracing change, and allowing
others around you to do the same.
Love is only from within, and given out. Love deeply, truly,
honestly, openly and unconditionally. Love is freedom. So soar, every single day.
