Notions of Love and Relationship

Notions of Love and Relationship

By Thuy Ton

Love is a spiritual journey two people embark upon together. It’s the commitment for the emergence of one’s true self and reaching one’s highest potential. It's a process where two people create, build, and work together as a team towards a common goal of self-actualization through one another. Love, thus, becomes a creative journey that start with knowing and understanding oneself from an emotional, mental and spiritual level in order to share your life with someone else.

Love is a selfless entity that involves growth within oneself. It's the surrender of one's own sense of "self", the ego, and being able to be one with your inner true nature.  In that one shows compassion and love for first one’s own self in order to help foster another person’s inner true being. That includes embracing the other person for truly who they are, not forcing or pressuring someone to be or become who you want them to be.  Causing self-doubt in other is not true love.

Love is a natural process and it starts within oneself.  To find the source of love, you have to look within. It starts with loving yourself and establishing a healthy relationship with one’s true self. If you don’t love yourself, how can another person love the person that you are? Self-worth and self- respect is a product of love. It’s the foundation where all good is formed and it can only be found within your own soul and heart.

Often times, we are our own worst enemy. With the ego, insecurities, and lack of self-awareness, we create an unfriendly and unhealthy environment that prohibits the nurturing of this thing we all call Love.  Like holding a baby in your arms, it must be handled with care and compassion. The healing can only start from within one’s own inner being. Thus, the exploration of one’s inner child depends on our own awareness so we can reconcile all that life has handed us.

With trust in the process, the heart can heal to make way for a more fulfilling and meaningful spiritual journey. It’s a conscience choice to start a mind-full practice that incorporates compassion and forgiveness attained through deep thought and calming of the mind. It’s something within us, not something we attain from our surroundings. Love is a way of life and of being. It’s a state of mind.

A relationship or relationships then stems from the principles of Love. This includes the relationship you have with yourself. I have always felt having a strong foundation is the essence of any relationship. A relationship is something more tangible as it’s what we create, but Love is how to live. It's a fundamental principle.

A relationship becomes a mechanism for one to reach beyond their current state. It’s a mirror into the depths of our soul. The love you share fosters an environment where both people thrive by just being in the same room. The shared energy creates a safe and open environment for one to grow and nurture their inner true nature. The love stands by itself, without rules and constriction, as it is an end in itself. Everything else is a means to an end.

There have been 3 key things that I have come to believe is important in any kind of relationship. The first key element is respect. It comes from truly loving someone, where you would never intentionally or subconsciously disregard the person. Respect for what you share and it’s the connection you have with one another.  The second key component is honesty. Moral standards and ethical values upheld, in conjunction with respect.  Being real in that love. The last component is truthful, open communication. It’s the transparency and open mindedness in the heart, mind, speech and thought exchanged to the one you love.

A relationship, then becomes like the air you breathe. It is the wind beneath your wings for you to fly to higher grounds. To love and be loved is to be free.  It’s a space of freedom, roots to ground you, and the reason you remain still in your heart, mind and soul.

What I've learned throughout my life is just to trust and know things will work out regardless of what it is. Love starts within you first. Then, it is distributed to those around you. What is meant to be yours, will always be yours. True love just is. It will always be there. It is what remains unchanged within you.

The formation of fear and apprehension around relationships is a vicious circle and cycle. Once it starts, it snowballs into something beyond your control. The heart must control the mind and vice versa. Therefore, happiness and peace of mind derives from one's own self and mind, given to oneself.

I have come to recognize the concept of Love in some people’s mind is wreckless in nature involving the need for power, possessiveness, control, manipulation, abusive internal struggles, projections of the past and self-loathing. The love or relationship is a means to an end, not an end in itself. It is used to fulfill something missing or lacking confined by restrictions and conditions.

The word “unconditionally love” was not apart of their realm of understanding.  We all learn Love in different ways, from our family and friends. In life, one should never be forced to live up to other people’s ideals. We all make mistakes and we fall apart. No one is perfect. Life situations happen and these situations need to happen in order for people to grow.

To be challenged in life is to expand the mind, realm of thought and one’s own abilities. It is necessary to induce change and routine so new habits of behaviors can form in order for one to become the best version of oneself. It’s fundamental. Trial, error, endings, and new beginning are all apart of the process we call Life.

We are all in charge of our own self and being, not that of others. Support and love is appreciated, but force and controlling of other’s mind to handle or do things the way one would achieve something is beyond comprehension. The question then becomes whether one is making decisions for whom, yourself or the other person.  

As our surroundings play a major role in your lives, our circle of friends or circle of influence change as well. We as people evolve and as we do, our groups of friends and mentors change. Our life and how we live become a reflection of where we are now at that period of time. Change is evitable. As a result, unconditional love is tested among us all and the realities of our relationships/love become more real as we grow. We don’t grow to be or become something. We actually grow more into ourselves and who we truly are.

To foster Love, one needs Love in their life. Love is pure and innocent, without boundaries and conditions. It just is. It brings out the best in you.  It’s a mirror into one’s soul. We are mere reflections of how others are toward us. Hence, relationships become a tool to reaching enlightenment and self awareness.

Everything else is easy. It's simple. Love begets love. Compassion begets compassion. Kindness begets kindness. The hard part is recognizing and understanding who you are, embracing change, and allowing others around you to do the same.  

Love is only from within, and given out. Love deeply, truly, honestly, openly and unconditionally.  Love is freedom. So soar, every single day.